Sixth Letter

dear wejustrockhard,

You see I like this girl at our class. And he hates boys like me! You know—boy genius and all.

So I would like to ask you what should I do, since I think, you are the right person, plus you are a girl and all. Should I try to fail? If ever I fail… I’ll only use like 67% of my knowledge and that will make the result of my grades 27.89% lesser than I usually get. And that will make her like me um… 1.34% at the beginning but it will increase by 0.67% a day if I continue it and that will make me 78.286% happy but that will make Mom 100% unhappy!

So what should I do?

-confusedmathematician

wejustrockhard answers:

dear confusedmathematician,

first of all, what's the hell with those numbers? Stop using them! You're giving us a headache.

You can just say “hi!” to her nicely… you know... try to have that good boy image instead of boy genius image…

Don't just try to fail.. we mean.. you gotta FAIL! Kidding! Don't take seriosuly, dude.. we're just a bunch of losers! HAha... Kidding!

Be friendly with her, okay? Talk to her, try to have eye contact! And always wear a pleasant smile! *smiles* Don't Fake it! Woah just like the Album title of Red Jumpsuit Apparatus! HAhaha... okay.. jokes over!

Again... smile will ya???

Fifth Letter

dear wejustrockhard,

Olah Senjoritah,

Buenos Diaz!

I have a very big problemo, and it concerns you.
i think i'm falling in love with you.

Can you help me?

Gracias!

-Alejandro

wejustrockhard answers:

dear Alejandro,

Erm... We'll talk about that later on the phone.

P.S. Phone number please

Fourth Letter

We received an email from this... American guy.... we're kinda sorry for him... sniff.... read and you'll know why....

dear wejustrockhard,

ei!

um... well it started when i was 12 years old, i'm obviously...a guy.. no doubt about that! i met a boy with a very pleasant face with the most adorable smile that i have ever seen in my entire whole boring stupid pathetic life!! Very!

I was attracted to him! And i don't know exactly why! I mean, i'm a boy and he's a boy! I was like.. "What the hell is wrong with me!"

I approached him, and i tried making friends... and guess what? We clicked! SNAP! Just like that!

When we were alone in the house.. take note.. MY HOUSE.... we decided to take shower together... and then.. i saw his 1%.. i was like... "OMG! It's getting HOTT in here!"

I tried myself to look away.. BUT something pushing me to look! Oh my! I can't take it anymore! This has to STOP! And I mean it!

And now, I'm 16... and I have a feeling of uncertainty...

I keep asking myself...

"What am I really? Why am I doing this? Am i a gay.. or a guy..."

I mean.. boy + boy = acess denied! ERNK!

This has to stop!!!!!

Identity crisis here!

HELP! ASAP!

-can't.take.it.anymore-

wejustrockhard answers:

dear can't.take.it.anymore,

first off... WOAH!

it's our first time to encounter such letter like this.. like... EVER! what we are trying to say is... Woah Man!

our answer is quite simple....

You are indeed... what you and us.. fear most... you are.. *drum rolls* A GAY! *thunder sound effects*

Glad we could help in deciding what your identity really is!

See ya' in the Flipside!

Third Letter

after a long time... woah. someone emailed us asking for help!

dear wejustrockhard,

hey!

my friends and i played this game called 7 minutes in heaven. at first, it was totally fun! i mean, why woulDn't it? i got paired with my long time crush named ace and we have to enter this closet thingy and well, we have to kiss! whhhoooooaaaahhhh!

at first i was nervous and exciteD at the same time! i mean, hell yeah i'm with my crush! i kept telling myself, 'this is your chance man! don't blow it!' so then, we went to the "sacred" closet and my friends lockeD it and laughing at the same time!

it was so hot inside! i mean, the temperature got so high! then, he started to move...(HEART BEATING FASTER!) then, he closed his eyes...(goD! he's so hot!) then he leaned closer to my face and SNAP! OUR LIPS TOUCHED! well, you might think it's heaven for me, but eeeeeeeewwwwwwww! he kissed like a dead fish! his breath is so eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwweeeeeee! and i have to say, i'm turned off! it was the most cruel thing god made me dO!

and the following morning, everyone knew about it! they were practically teasing me like he's my boyfrienD!

heeeeelllllllppp!

-embarassed gal-
ps. i blabbed about him, having bad breath! and he is soooo mad at me!

wejustrockhard answers:

dear embarassed gal,

well, we're in a hurry but we can see that you're really....how can we put it? desperate! well, since its christmas, and as a peace offering, give him a gift..let's say, toothbrush and toothpaste!? and one year supply of mouthwash....naahhh...just kiDding! we think, you have to go to him and say you're sorry...veerrryyy sorry...! then, make friends with him and talk about him like he's the greatest guy ever! he'll feel it! and eventually, he'll forget everything! last but not least....MAKE A PUBLIC APOLOGY! and say that the bad breath thing, isn't true...there's just a dead cat...hehehe

-wejustrockhard-